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Unfortunately they're not the kind you can eat.

And really, even if they were, would you actually want to eat them at this point? This place was left untended for ...five and a half years? That's a long time for cookies to become unpalatable, even theoretically edible ones.

Oh, hey, guess what?

...

...yeah, I don't know either. I guess the idiots really do have the ships now, huh? That's what we get for giving them to 'em. I mean, one idiot with a ship is bad enough, but the plural form there (that little /s/ at the end of idiots) actually means there's at least two. Luckily, this being English, there's no way to tell without further elaboration if there are any more than two. Gee... I hope nobody's trying to translate this into Kiwaian or Hopi or anything and worrying over which plural to use.

So.
This one time, I wrote a book. Well... actually it was a bunch of books.

WELL... actually it was just names for a bunch of books. But I was gonna write them, honest. Why else would I have the names? Anyway, I can't find them. I think I know where they are, but the issue comes when you notice that I don't know WHERE where they are IS. Which sounds more confusing than it is. Or isn't? One or the other.

The first one was called The Key and the Knife. Well... it was called the Dagger and the Die. Well... it had both names. And it wasn't the first one, it was the fourth. But it was the first one of the second ones. See, here's the thing. I know what I'm talking about.

So there's my problem. I don't remember the other ones. Actually, it's a bit worse than that, because it's not just the names I don't remember, it's the whole stories. Well. At least I remember the books.




Okay, I guess that about sums it up. I'll see you when I see you.

Idiots With Ships

I'm not sure how they got them. I suppose someone must have given them, because certainly they weren't smart enough to have obtained them on their own. Honestly, nothing would surprise me more than if they had. I simply won't believe it.
But I digress: That's a moot point regardless. The idiots have the ships. Now all we can do is wait, watch, and see what they're going to do with them. I suppose we could try to take them away, but they are quite defensible. Sure, the idiots lack any capacity for tactics or strategy, but sometimes your position is such that neither is significant.

When this started

it was about the same as it is now. Except I suppose I tried to have three different reasons in every post. I've kinda stopped doing that. If you can't figure out three reasons that paying attention to me is stupid, that's because you're so stupid that paying attention to me will make you smarter, on the basest level possible.

And then the URL has nothing to do with "Three reasons..." It's "idiots with ships". Like, what's that supposed to be? Where are all the ships? Are they sailing ships? Steam ships? Nuke-riding city-ships of the stars? That last one could be cool, but I'm not sure how easy it'd be to get ahold of even one of them, let alone two in order to justify the plural.

And then several months happened.

Despite this, quite ironically, nobody noticed.

People are weird.

And of course, I'm not exception to this rule. Everyone is at least a little bit weird, and a lot of my friends would claim that I'm rather more so than is usual. Meh. There are times when I agree, most of them actually, and times when I disagree, but all told it's not a matter of what I think, is it? Who can judge, in the end, how weird we are, save those around us?

Which reminds me of a quote: "Normal? Normal is what everyone else is, and you are not."
Ten points if you know who said it.

Hazabannana

It's a place. Legend has it that this place's only claim to fame is that, at one point in time, there was a banana there. I'm just throwing this out there, you have got to try REALLY hard if the only famous thing you EVER did was having a banana.

Maybe even hard enough for it to be famous.

Given recent events: Blah.

Because nef. Nefnef. And other things like that which don't decently convey any information besides a lack thereof. I could say things about stuff, but I don't think it would make me feel any better about junk. So I won't. Instead, I'll try to transcribe what it looks like when Chewbacca talks.

Lrlrlrlrlrlrlrlri! And other such phonograms.

Self-Title

If you're looking for a good reason to ignore me (or, perhaps, for three), look no further than the fact that everything I say, I say as a means of avoiding what I really want to say. What's worse, I can't even say this fake-what-I-want-to-say stuff to the people to whom I want to say it, so it's stuff-I-don't-really-wat-to-say-to-the-wrong-people-anyhow.

And I'm not even sure what I'd say if I could. "I'm sorry," maybe. Or maybe "I miss you." Maybe I'd be able to say "I love you," if I tried hard enough. It's hard for one to describe what he is incapable of saying. That part should really be self-explanatory. As if this post didn't have enough hyphenates.

Also, I came to the conclusion today that I know, in some way or another, quite a few people named Grace. And yet I still couldn't name someone I know named Amber. Odd.

Accoutrements

I expect you're beginning to wonder why you would have started paying attention to me in the first place, and that's an excellent question: I have no idea. I've given you several times three reasons not to, and yet not a single one in favor of it.

I suppose in some puny, mortal minds, I may seem like something of an entertaining fellow (and as a matter of perspective, they'd technically be correct), but really I'm not all that I'm cracked up to be. For example, I've never held a guinea pig or other small mammal whilst towering above the Empire State (although I have done it with various genera of such whilst lounging in assorted locations and positions...). I've never piloted an airplane from any point A to point B, even if, I suppose, technically, I have co-piloted one for a short while. I've never even been to Rome, except for a week or so.

In conclusion, you shouldn't listen to what most people tell you about me, especially since I myself haven't even told you what I'm saying, and frankly I'm personally not quite sure. Hell, I didn't even answer your question.

Much of our lives is spent on nothing but nullifying routine.

Despite this, they can be quite exciting. Sometimes this is bad. I won't go into detail unless you ask me to, but suffice to say, sometimes I hate people at large because of the ways that individuals act. I don't think that's the healthiest mindset, but what can be done? I suppose I could try and develop a healthier psyche, but that takes work and such.

And effort takes so much... effort.

Dreaming

I'm going to do like Cthulhu and sleep forever.

Until I wake up.

Requiem for Susan

Susan wasn't a fish, don't worry.
At this point, she was probably either a crab or a tree.

Moreover

I don't seem to say anything for long periods of time. That makes four reasons. Should I change the name of the blog? All in favor say Aye.

Oh, Look, a Tree,,,

I like trees...

I was on the moon. With Steve! There were no trees on the moon...

I like trees...

1. If you ever hear me say a word in a language you don't know, it's probably an insult. I'm just that kind of guy.

2. I threaten you on a regular basis.

3. I guess threats really are a good reason to pay attention, though... Maybe I'll stop if you leave.

Ti, Tal, Lek

1. Now ask yourself, is this post even titled in words? Do you recognize that as a language? Have you seen it before somewhere? If you answered yes to any of these questions, go to 2. If you answered no to all of them, got to 3. Otherwise, please look up 'yes or no questions' in the nearest resource.

2. As far as I can tell, you're me, or you've met me before. If you only answered yes to the third question, go to 3 now. Now that I'm alone here, I think I'll continue on to three. That's where the party's at.

3. If you came from 1: You haven't met me, or you have but not at the right time/in the right place. If you came from 2: Ha! I knew ou existed. So there.

4. What? Four? There's no four in three reasons! What is this doing here!? Oh, well.

Ein, Zwei, Drei

1) Look over there! A distraction!

2) If you're still reading this, I hate you.

3) Didn't you hear me!? I hate you! Do you want to be in the presence of someone who hates your guts? And, well, you know, the rest of you too, but also the guts.

3.666) Fie on you. Fie I say, Fie!

Ichi, Ni, San

1. I titled it in Japanese, but then I wrote the entire post in English. Or did I? So far, yes. Yes, I did.

2. Watash... HA! You thought I was going to write something in Japanese, didn't you? Well, I proved you wrong. (P.S. Do you really want to read the surface thoughts of a guy who puts you through that kind of prank?)

3. Queue-for-fore-won-dash-five-seven-sicks-to-nein. Anyone who gets that is special. Anyone who knows what it means wins a prize.

Count them: 1, 2, 3.

1. My URL is 'idiotswithships'. How can you trust a guy that not only pronounces URL earl, but also uses 'idiotswithships' for his? Honestly, the nerve of some people.

2. I call myself Jkar. Can you even pronounce that? My sources say no.

3. You might not know this yet, but my favorite quote is "Alas, if I had but one more shoe..." Now does that sound like the kind of thing you want to expose yourself to? I thought not.

And now, in short: ...Well, I guess three reasons is pretty short...

Okay: In slightly shorter: don't pay attention to me because my endless babble will drive you slightly less crazy than I already am.